“Aitah” - except I know I wasn’t, but I can’t stop from believing I became one and regret it - Hot Topics | Forums | What to Expect (2025)

Amanda111s

I was raised by my grandma and she is the person I love most. We live a bit far so don’t see eachother as often as I’d like but we talk every other day. She is becoming really old and frail, can barely walk. For my bday this year the only thing I asked for was to spend time with her. So 4 days ago my husband made the 3 hour drive to pick her up, and 3 hour drive to bring her to me.

I put a lot of effort in making her stay comfy for her, I dedicated my time to catering to her and taking care of her and because I know my gma doesn’t eat very healthy at home I prioritized planning healthy meals for her. Even spending more $ than I would’ve liked to getting all these variety’s of fruits and vegetables for her. I had a shrimp salad waiting for her when she arrived, I made her tea, I ensured she drank lots of water, gave her lots of kisses, combed her hair, shared my skin care with her. I catered our days to her likings I took her to church, the beach to watch the sunset, etc. I made steamed vegetables, chicken,different varieties of salads, more vegetables, garlicky mushroom and tomato pasta 1 night. I made very many fruit bowls for her and my son to share. Point made- I put so much effort because my gma is getting older and I don’t know how much longer I’ll have with her and caring for her like she did for me makes me feel so accomplished. Well….

Tonight (her last night with us) she acted a little off. Went to bed without dinner, and rejected the food I made her. It hurt my feelings because I made my husband pick it up specifically for her because I thought she’d like it (she always says she loves pandas orange chicken so I made my husband get the frozen one from Trader Joe’s) well I went in to check up on her and she was in bed watching YouTube. I was a little hurt like it’s our last night together but understood she wasn’t feeling well. When I walked by again I noticed this time her door was closed and she was on the phone which was odd because it takes my gma like 10 mins to walk to the door to close it so she must’ve really wanted it closed and did a lot of effort to do so, and I also was already very curious and confused by her behavior that I couldn’t help but eavesdrop at the door. I heard her on the phone with her sister first of all, complaining negatively about the sand at the beach when we went (not that big of a deal, but a little hurtful to learn that she had stuff to complain about our time together). Then I heard her tell her sister that she cleaned all day and she exaggerated it making it sound like our house was dirty and that she cleaned for hours when in reality our house was spotless and she never once, never once!! cleaned anything besides picked a few hairs off the ground and handed them to me to throw away. So I really started listening confused wondering why she was exaggerating and complaining so much. Then I heard her tell her sister that I cook “tanta/ pura pasta” meaning like I only cooked pasta (I only did one night) and complaining how unhealthy I cooked with “no savor” meaning no flavor. She went on about how gross is it and then said that she saw me cooking frozen chicken (the orange chicken I made my husband pick up because I expected she’d like it and I wanted her to be happy) she was telling her sister about the frozen chicken like it was the most disgusting thing. I even heard her saying a bad word about someone and couldn’t tell if she was talking about me still. I stood at the door telling myself that I would let it go and never mention that I heard it, but then she got off the phone right after and my feelings were high so I opened the door and said I heard you.. and she tried to excuse it quickly by saying she meant that “she felt sorry that I made so much good food that she couldn’t eat because she can’t eat pasta”/ for her health.

Which I know was a lie. I just said, I’m not mad, I’m not mad, it’s whatever. I just wish you had told me if there’s something more you needed.

I went away to cry/ level out my emotions and then I came back and hugged my grandma and we just hugged for a long while. I’m not mad at her, I feel I might regret confronting it if anything. She doesn’t need the extra stress and I’m not offended enough to confront it. But what DOES and did hurt was that I reallyyyyyy wanted my love to show in the effort I gave her and now it feels unappreciated and not good enough, I also feel shocked that she’d even talk about me negatively behind my back, I know there was more said than what I heard I just didn’t hear it all. My gma always says she doesn’t know how long she has left and I really wanted this to be a moment I remembered as being beautifully perfect but now I fear I’ll remember myself causing an extra scene by confronting her. You know because it’s normal for people to complain in privacy, in fact I looked at my husband just last night and complained that it’s hard taking care of her and that she’s slow. There’s not much more different from me doing that to her. And to add, my gma can be a little delusional as it is. I mean she complained multiple times to me that my son eats unhealthy, but my son eats bowls and bowls of fruit, milk, proteins, vegetables throughout the day. The only junk he’s eaten the past few days is junk she’s GIVEN him. So when she complains saying “ughh all he eats is junk do you ever give him any fruit?” I so badly want to be like yes??? Have you not seen all of the good food he’s eaten?? But then I realize like it won’t get through to her head, she kind of just believes what she wants to believe, I chalk it up to she’s just getting really old. And I wish I had kept that in mind before confronting her today :/

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