Help me find a new home for my cat | Mumsnet (2024)

I’ve had cats for over 40 years and I currently live with a very antisocial one who absolutely knows her own mind.

When I first got her, she’d scratch and hiss at me when I was stroking her. Months later I worked out that she does this when she wants me to scratch her behind the ear instead of stroking. The hissing has stopped!

I worked this out by holding my hand out and always letting her come to me. At first she’d rub her back against my hand showing that she wanted to be stroked. At the first sign of hissing, I’d stop stroking and hold out my hand, then she rubbed her ear against my hand, showing she wanted to be scratched.

Now we’ve graduated from hissing to her gently patting my hand when she wants her ear scratched. She’s so much happier now that we’ve worked out how to communicate.

PS - I assume you’ve mentioned all of this to your vet just to rule out any medical issues?

He's gorgeous.

you need to learn to read his signals!

tell DD just to leave him alone. Same with visitors. Give him a safe space to retreat to.

stroke him when he come to you, but learn what his 'I've had enough' signals are, there will be some.

Thanks for the inputs!
He's about 6 or 7, we neutered him when we got him but he was already an adult at that point. No medical issues, on occasion he is crankier than normal if hurt in a cat fight. He also has the run of the place so isn't forced to be anywhere he doesn't want, the issue is he chooses to be in the mix (will repeatedly come back into the room).

We don't have any family here or I absolutely would use the relative network. Maybe I'll check if I can export him to Ireland! Will try the feliway!

PS: I agree rescues aren't the way to go so need to find someone myself - and there is no way I'm putting him down.

This.

Your contract with the rescue will almost certainly say that he should be returned to them for re-homing.

Offering him on the internet is the most irresponsible thing you can do.

Contact an animal behaviorist? Build a catio to keep him away from the neighbours' cats? Is he getting plenty of play/stimulation every day?

Agree that you need to learn to read the signals. I have a 7 year old rescue and when she sits down, she's had enough.

the issue is he chooses to be in the mix (will repeatedly come back into the room).
Do you have a cat tree that he can sit on so he's away from hands and feet but is still part of your family? Make it an absolute rule that when he is on it then nobody can touch him, its his safe place. That includes you and dh.

You all need to watch out for his body language for when he is saying enough. Sometimes it's a flop onto their side and this can look like an invitation for more fussing but for some cats they are getting ready for defence/claws. Some cats hate being stroked along their flanks or past their shoulders. Some cats get over stimulated from stroking but love scritches. It's knowing whether your cat wants company or food but not fuss. Start to learn about your cat so you can live together, and that includes letting him have special safe places in your home.

You need to learn the behaviour and signalling from your cat not bring in a behaviourist.

Theres nothing wrong with him, it’s you that needs to learn to read him. Their body language is quite clear and once you learn that he’ll stop trying to teach you.

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He sounds like a totally normal cat to me, albeit one that's easily overstimulated.

Our oldest is very similar - we just have to read him carefully and only give him affection on his terms and when he asks for it. So, as PP suggested - don't stroke him when he comes to you, hold your hand out for him to sniff and let him put his head or body where he wants to be touched. If his tail starts flicking or his ears go back, stop and move way - that's a clear warning sign that he's had enough and if you ignore it, he will bite or scratch.

Make sure he has plenty of cat furniture and opportunities to be in the room with you without being in the middle of everything. I'd also make sure he gets plenty of play - ideally with flirt poles and toys that keep him away from your hands. The "hunt catch kill" routine is useful too.